My Mental Health Rollercoaster

When people think of mental health these days, they usually associate it in a linear way of thinking. In my experience, it is more like a rollercoaster. It has its ups and down and filled with twists and turns that can be frightening and overwhelming for the senses.

For many years I’ve dealt with what I thought was just anxiety and the depressive moods attached to it. Before I was properly diagnosed as on the autism spectrum, I would experience emotionally heightened moments of panic and fear. I would also experience moments where I felt unsafe, unwanted and really questioned my importance of me being in the world. 

I had lacked perspective and proper coping tools that would have helped me in dealing with my feelings and to express them in meaningfully healthy ways. For most of my life all I could do was panic and not necessarily in an outwards way, but rather in a way that would not allow people to see that I was not ok.

A lot of my anxiety had to do with the fact that I was being bullied and I didn’t feel like there was any escape from being tormented. A lot of the bullying was verbal and psychological. It was because of this bullying that my trust in people was at an all-time low and it still is from time to time.

Now a lot of people will have their own opinions to share on the subject. Some of these opinions are usually made by those who do not have any sort of experience or training in the matter. Many of these people have told me to get over it or that I should just "think positive". Getting over being bullied is something that cannot be asked or told by others especially if they do not understand the ramifications it leaves for the person it has affected.

Getting over the bullying was something I could not do. Instead, I tried to move on with my life. However moving on would not be as easy as it seemed. For a lot of people moving on is easier said than done, myself included.

Eventually with help, I was able to move on using my terms, but not without a number of twists and turns along the way. Including a steep curve into depression and turns that lead me to feeling alone and wanting to die. It is a chapter of my life that I don’t want to relive ever again, but have been close to reliving it from many setbacks .

Now that I'm more aware of who I am and have been properly diagnosed as on the autism spectrum, I’ve been able to cope with a series of different tools. Being able to get back into naturism really helped. Especially with my struggles of communicating with others and helped me personally to feel good about my own body. The more I felt comfortable with myself, the more I felt open about the person that I am.

I also had  psychologist and psychiatrist sessions that have provided me de-stressing tools to help me out. That is not to say that my struggles are completely over.  There are some days where I feel alone in the world, but there are other days where I can only cope when I play a few video games, eating a pizza or just having a conversation with fiancé.

The better days are starting to get arrive... just in time.

IF YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU NEED TO WORK ON YOUR MENTAL HEALTH, PLEASE CONSULT YOUR GP AND/OR LOCAL MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES.

Until my next time remember...

Live nude and be yourself